Monday, March 31, 2008

The cold breeze rustled the sheer curtains covering my window, carrying in the smell of rain. The smell of spring. Damp and musty, you can feel the earth soak it in, as if parched after the long winter. I stand at the window for a moment, overlooking my almost complete neighborhood - I am happy here. I turn off the music that would usually accompany me to sleep and leave checking my e-mail until the morning. All lights turned off, I crawl into my cool bed and lie in the dark, listening to the sweet song of rain. The roof of a car, the aluminum eavesdrop, the pile of wood at the curb, are natures instruments creating a beat so peaceful, I struggle to stay awake and listen.
Lying there, I think of all the amazing people in my life, and how these last couple of weeks I have been ecstatic! Being someone who finds it very easy to pick out my personal flaws and then beat myself over them, or remind myself of past occurences that I will never stop feeling guilt over, it has never been easy to truly feel happy. And although I can still see those flaws, still feel the guilt, I push them aside and have decided it best to enjoy life now, and worry about the negatives later. Of course, knowing me, something will happen within the next 48 hours causing me to completely change my current outlook...but if I can enjoy today, enjoy how I feel now, then the rest just doens't seem all that bad.

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