Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I could see straight into the house across the road - a light embrace before the lights were turned out, the couple turning in for the night.

I adjusted the sheer curtain so that I could see out the window, feel the breeze whisper through the open screen. Crawling in to bed, the cold cotton floated around my legs...a sensation I look forward to each night. i rested my head on the plush pillow, facing the sky. There is no moon tonight, and I try lose myself in the mixture of velvety blue and swirls of grey cloud. Rolling into a more comfortable position, my left arm falls across the empty space next to me. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness washed over me. I quickly push it away. It isn't often I feel this way, and perhaps that is why the emotion comes on so strongly. Regardless, I fight it...never quite ridding myself of the longing for someone elses company. I close my eyes, hoping the darkness will soother me, lull me to sleep. I wait a minute, then two - nothing. I am wide awake and haunted.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Blah. That's my word of the describes the weather, my job, my mood, everything. Just, blah. Nothing appeals to me these days...all I want to do is crawl in to bed and forget that there is a world out there. Why do I feel this way? That's the questions I've been asking myself since last week....why?? I don't have the finest idea what has gotten in to me, because up until a couple of days ago, I was having one of the best summers ever! Things were going to plan, everything was happy, care free - FUN! Then, like the blink of an eye, it seemed to disappear. It's natural for me to panic, or over think situations because I'm lame that way....but I feel as though I've lost connection with my most favorite people, and I don't know how to get it back. Things are awkward.
Lately, I've been looking back on the last couple years of my life thinking, I've made the right decisions by moving on from people in my past. The question that plagues me though, is when will I find the people that I will never have to move on from? Obviously, there will always be characters in the soap opera I live through day to day, that will come and go...but isn't there going to be anyone who just stays put...who I will always be able to depend on? Yikes - I'm feeling rather insecure...never blog while insecure. Then again, if I followed that rule...I wouldn't have posted my first blog.